I Love You Baby I'm Not a Monster
by AgeyoPanda
Summary: After years of ghost fights and stress from school, it finally got to Danny. His relationship with Sam and Tucker were on thin ice, especially with Sam. But what happens one night after a fight with Sam? Songfic (Monster - Big Bang)


_I'm trying my hand at a songifc. After reading "Before She Cheats" (The-Other-Ghostwriter), I just had to try my hand at one. So enjoy~_

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**Trigger Warnings: Self-harm. Suicide. Depression.**

**Warning: Blood and death.**

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He was still mayor; there had been a truce between them. Vlad soon realized that he was never going to win Maddie over and he also came to the realization that Danny was never going to be his son. So, they both sucked up their pride and Vlad soon became a mentor to Danny; someone who helped Danny with his powers and as well as life.

Danny was sitting in Vlad's office in one of the chairs before Vlad's desk. Danny was now seventeen years old and a Junior in high school; he grew out his hair and grew taller as well. It was Danny's lunch hour and he just needed to talk to Vlad about this.

Vlad sat his desk, studying Danny; something was wrong and it worried Vlad to no end. Just as Vlad was going to say something, Danny spoke.

"Um Vlad," Danny's voice was soft and weak, "I need help. I have no idea what to do anymore." He let out a shaky breath.

Vlad stood and made his way to the other side of his desk and in front of Danny, "What is it Little Badger?" Vlad's voice was full of worry. He took notice when Danny changed his sophomore year of high school. It was a big change but Vlad couldn't place it.

"I just…. I just feel so depressed all the time. Nothing ever goes right anymore, Vlad. I'm nothing but a failure… And what's worse is that I snap at Sam." Sam was Danny's girlfriend, Vlad had remembered.

Leaning on the side of his desk, Vlad gently picked up Danny's wrists; never stopping when Danny flinched. Instead, Vlad gave Danny a look, he noticed Danny was scared. Vlad now moved at a slower pace. He carefully removed the black fingerless gloves and the many bracelets Danny now wore. Vlad moved even slower when noticed the slight pain on Danny's face. And what Vlad saw, scared even him; the powerful and feared Plasmius.

Cut and scars covered Danny's wrists. The fresher cuts were deep gashes that made Vlad's stomach twist. Words were carved into Danny's skin. The words 'weak', 'pain', and 'loser' were spotted a few times on his wrist. Vlad sighed as he let go of Danny's wrists and gave him back his things.

Vlad stood straight up and looked Danny in the eyes, "Where else?"

Danny moved down one side of his shirt to reveal the cuts on his shoulder; more twists in Vlad's stomach. Danny then straightened up and lifted up his shirt; more cuts on the side of his stomach. The word, 'FAILURE' was carved right under his belly button; just fresh from a few days ago.

Vlad leaned back onto his desk; his stomach still feeling sick. He looked back at Danny, who already pulled his shirt back down, had his gloves and bracelets back on and was back to hanging his head. Vlad didn't know what to say. He had never seen Danny look so fragile.

"Vlad…" Vlad looked at the boy before him, "I'm scared. Since Sophomore year I've felt like this." Danny let out a shaky breath. Danny started to dig his fingernails into his knees, almost ripping through the fabric, "Damn it…" Danny knew what was happening. His hands became shaky and his breathing was becoming shallow. His eyes burned as hot tears streamed down his face. It was another episode.

Danny ran a shaking hand threw his raven locks, "Vlad…. I…" Danny choked on his tears before he could even finish his sentence.

Vlad placed his hand down on the boy's shoulder, "Daniel, calm down. Just take deep breaths and relax, Little Badger." Vlad was now kneeling in front of Danny with a look of concern on his face, "Everything is going fine." Vlad placed his hands on Danny's shoulders once again.

After a few minutes, Danny was finally calm enough to function, he was still a little shaky though.

"Daniel, look at me, right in the eyes." Vlad didn't continue until he had Danny's full attention, "I'm not going to sit here and tell you things will get better, because they won't unless you change things. This depression will never go away, but I know you can make it threw, Little Badger."

Danny looked up to Vlad, tears still falling, "You think so?"

"I know so." Vlad answered with a warm smile.

"But… I'm scared." Danny looked back down to his lap.

"I know Little Badger, but just come to me when you need to. Now be a good halfa and fly back to school."

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Danny was able to make it back to school with just twenty minutes left of lunch. He was able to find Tucker and Sam outside, chatting under a tree. Danny made his way to join them, but he wasn't in the mood for talking, so he ended up sticking his earbuds in his ears, turned up the music and shutting out the world around him. Of course he was listening to K-pop. It was just sudden that he so happened to get into it. It was because of Sam. Since Sam prefers to stand out, the students here didn't even bother to step out of their comfort zone.

As soon as Danny made his way to Tucker and Sam, he plopped down next to Sam, leaned his head on her shoulder and played with her fingers, not really caring when people started whispering to each other when they spotting Danny's puffy, red eyes. Of course, Tucker and Sam took notice of Danny's appearance and demeanor, but said nothing; they know not to bug Danny when he was like this.

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Later that night after dinner, Danny laid on his bed, looking up at the ceiling, music playing threw the speakers of his laptop. Vlad's words still played in his head. Danny wondered if what Vlad said was true. What if Danny couldn't get better? Danny thought he was just too weak to be happy again; happiness seemed so far away for Danny. Danny hated himself so much. He thought he was a failure – he believed he was a failure. He sat up and removed his gloves and bracelets, he looked down at his wrists and let out a heavy sigh. Danny ran his fingers over the cuts and scars. His eyes soon felt hot, tears threatening to flow out; he shut his eyes, not wanting to cry. But Danny couldn't help it, he was weak and needed to let it all out.

Danny's hands started shaking, but that didn't stop him. Quickly locking his door and wasting no time unlocking the top drawer of his desk, he picked a blade from the space and went to work. Blood was everywhere on his wrists and dripping onto the towel on his lap. Threw his crying, shaky breaths were the only sound Danny was making. He had lost control, again. His phone had gone off many times, with text messages from Sam and Tucker, eventually the texts turned into calls, but Danny was still busy ruining his skin.

After a good hour, Danny was holding the towel to his bleeding wrists, tears still pouring from his eyes. Danny's whole body was shaking. There were knocks at the door and two familiar voices were heard; it was Tucker and Sam coming to check on Danny.

"Danny, please open up." It was Sam. He voice was soft and full of worry.

"Come on dude, we've been trying to get ahold of you, man." Tucker's voice had the same amount of worry just as Sam's voice.

Danny let out another shaky breath, not wanting his friend and girlfriend to catch him like this, especially when he was this weak.

After a good five minutes of knocking and voices, the sound of the lock being picked was heard, followed by Danny cursing under his breath. Before Danny could go intangible, the door opened with Sam and Tucker standing there, a mix of shock and worry across their faces.

Sam quickly shut the door, moved to Danny and took the towel from him. Her stomach became sick and her heart was beating so fast. All she could get out was a small whimper of worry.

Tucker walked up next to Sam, "You promised, dude."

Danny stood, blood still coming out from the cuts, just not as fast as before, "You think I can just keep a promise like that? You guys have no idea what I'm going through!"

"If you told us Danny, we would."

"Oh please Tuck. I have many times before explained to you both what I'm going through, but you will never understand."

Hurt was shown on Tucker's face. Of course he understood was Danny was going through, or at least that's what he thought. All he could do was leave the room.

"Danny…" Sam had finally managed to squeak out, "I can't keep doing this."

"Doing what? Thinking that I could just fix myself in one night?"

Sam let out a sigh, "It's not that Danny, when are you going to just snap out of it?"

Well that hurt. Danny's heart felt like it was ripped from his body, ripped in half and stomped on, "'Snap out of it'?"

"Yes Danny, snap out of it."

"Sam, I can't. How many times do I have to tell you that it's not that simple?" Danny's voice slowly grew louder, "Do you not see all the crap I have to put up with at school? All the ghost fighting I have to deal with? It's too much, Sam. Of course it was bound to catch up with me sooner or later. Do you know how afraid I am of myself now?"

"Then let us help you!" Sam was close to getting on her knees and pleaded Danny to stop this.

"No! You guys don't understand! I can't just be fixed overnight! This fucking depression will _never_ go away, no matter how much I want or how much you two believe it will."

"Yes Danny! You can make the depression go away!" Sam was close to tears.

"No I fucking can't! Why can't you see that!?" Hot tears streamed down Danny's face even more.

Sam groaned, "That's it! I can't keep doing this, Danny! I'm so fucking done with this shit." And with that, she was gone.

* * *

Again, Danny was laying on his bed, looked up at the ceiling, music playing and tears falling from his eyes. Once a certain song was on, Danny turned up the volume and put the song on repeat, wanting to feel depressed and alone forever. Right now, to Danny, darkness was his only friend and the only thing to understand him.

_It's been a while since we've met  
Your face looks good  
You got prettier, you were always beautiful in my eyes  
But today you look a bit different  
You look especially a bit cold  
Your eyes that look at me are filled with pity  
In front of you, I seem smaller_

It was Monster from Big Bang. The lonely vocals and loud, depressing beat took Danny to another world.

_Nothing comes to my mind  
As you tremble, you take a step, two steps back  
You say that I scare you now  
You're like a moon that makes me go crazy_

Those certain lyrics took him back to his first fight with Sam since the depression hit. The look on his face, the hot tears pouring and the blood running down his shoulder from fresh cuts; it scared Sam to see him in that state.

_I love you baby I'm not a monster  
You know how I was in the past  
When time passes, it'll all disappear  
Then you will know baby_

_I need you baby I'm not a monster  
You know me so don't leave like this  
If even you throw me away, I will die  
I'm not a monster_

More hot tears fell from Danny's eyes, his sobbing became slightly louder.

_The people of the world have turned their backs against me  
The corners of their eyes are all twisted up  
The greatest pain to me,  
Is the fact that you became the same as them_

Danny moved to lay on his side and curled up into a tight ball, sobbing into his hands.

_I need you baby I'm not a monster  
You know me so don't leave like this  
If even you throw me away, I will die  
I'm not a monster_

Danny began to stare into space, his thoughts consuming him.

_Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't leave me  
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, it's not like you  
Getting farther away, love is breaking apart_

_Don't find me, don't find me, don't find me, don't look for me  
The last, last, last image  
Of me in front of you, Remember that, Don't forget me_

Danny's thoughts soon took over; they scared him, but he listen either way. He just didn't want any more pain or suffering; he wanted to be gone.

_I need you baby I'm not a monster  
You know me so don't leave like this  
If even you throw me away, I will die  
I'm not a monster_

All Danny could do was cry and listen to that voice.

_I think I'm sick I think I'm sick  
I think I'm sick I think I'm sick_

And that was it. No more pain…

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The older man was standing with an umbrella over his head; bags under his eyes. The only sound was the sound of pouring rain. The man was looking down to the ground, his eyes focused on something in the ground.

He shut his eyes to fight back tears threating to fall, "Rest in peace, Little Badger."


End file.
